I have two experiences that I would like to share which have been significant to me recently. When I was preparing to return home from my mission I had a few experiences where I felt the Lord was preparing me for what was coming. It seemed to me that He opened a map to me, it became apparent to me the different choices that I could make and I could also clearly see what would happen and what I would become depending on which course I took. So I made the plans that I felt would be best for me. I sat down and made specific goals for the next six months and became determined to reach them. After that I had also had a few experiences that showed me that the Lord would support me and help me to reach these worthy goals as I tried to follow the course that he showed me. I took courage and when I came home I set off on my adventure. My plans worked according to the deadline I set almost to the 'T' since I came home. I moved to Utah, I found a good job that helped me to save the money I planned. I became part of a great ward and was given a calling that allowed me to learn from a great leader and bishop at a close level. Then October rolled around. According to my plans I was going to work full time until winter semester then I would attend BYU and teach at the MTC part-time. Well it became time to apply for the MTC. The application did not go as well as I wanted and I was advised to seek employment elsewhere for the time being. That was a major blow. Then I had tremendous trouble with my BYU application. Eventually after a month of admission counselor meetings and phone calls everything was sorted and my application was complete. The this week I received a letter informing me that my application had been denied. This blow almost knocked me off my feet. My whole plans had centered around being excepted into BYU; my desired study course and career depended on my acceptance into this school. I had worked my butt off preparing for this so that I could finically afford it and I had been trying really hard to fit in and make a life here for me so that starting school would be that much easier. All this for what? To be rejected by the school which was sponsored by the church that I had just spent two years serving? Had I done something wrong which disqualified me from this plan that I felt I had received through inspiration? What was I to do now? Return home feeling like a failure with my tail tucked between my legs? That evening I was a right mess. Mentally I could not keep a straight train of thought and emotionally I was on the edge of panic. Then I a sudden soon after I got off the phone with my parents I had a soft yet perceptible feeling that everything was going to be alright. I was calmed but still confused. So I did what I had done when I was one my mission, I sat down and mapped out all my options and considered which was best for me. Still I felt no direction so I tacked it onto my wall above my bed and have considered and pondered on it during the mean time. Last night I felt really good about taking night classes and working part time until spring. Of course there were still some more questions left unanswered until this morning. I drove into Bluffdale for a carne asda lunch at my work (amazing by the way, even if it made me sick later it was worth it!). During the drive I was mulling over the options and potential solutions. Again a calm came over me and I knew what I should do. You know the cliched moment when the hero is hanging from a building or a cliff and right at the moment he loses his grip then someone reaches down and saves him? This is a bit of a dramatic analogy but its similar to how I feel. Im so thankful that the Lord will always reach down and grab me when Im ready to let go of my dreams.
Second experience. I made another roast dinner and invited a few friends over. We all had a great time and the food was good. Emma Cutillo was one who graced us with her presence. I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with her just laughing and having a good time. In the evening she sat me down and shared a devotional with me. I don't remember the title but it was by Jeffery R. Holland and he spoke about when Joseph Smith was tarred feathered, and beaten then the next morning delivered a sermon of forgiveness to a crowd which had some of the culprits men who attacked him the night before. What an amazing example of following Christ! Elder Holland mentioned that being Christian is a full time thing. We are to always do as Christ would. Then he mentioned that moment when each of us will find ourselves at the base of the cross. No this inspired a train of thought that has occupied my mind most of the day. There were many people present during this dark moment in the history of humanity. Different groups had different attitudes throughout the event. Walking along the road and standing by were those who disbelieved and vehemently opposed the work of the Savior. These are the same people who had to audacity to mock the Son of God as he hung of the cross suffering for the very sins they were committing. 'If thou art the Son of God come down and save thyself!' They scorned. Scattered throughout the crowd were the Roman soldiers who were indifferent because of they had become desensitized through the pursuit of their career. On the outside of the crowd were the timid disciples who supported Christ but feared being recognized as a follower and condemned to suffer as their Master. Close to the side we find the Roman centurion, an honorable man, probably worn and tired from a career of violence, a witness to heinous crimes, and familiar with anguish. Who being moved, proclaims 'Surely this man is the Son of God'. Closer still we find the ever valiant circle of disciples, which is oddly enough largely populated by women. This group includes those who in an effort to easy the Saviors pain offered him vinegar in a sponge. This group are those who bathed his feet in their tears, begged for his body, and reverently cleaned and covered his battered and broken body before gently laying it in the tomb. I have found myself pondering the question 'Where would I have been? Which group would I have cast my lots in with?' I hope the answer to be the latter group whose reverence and love for the Savior conquered their fear of man.
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